Angries Horrorscope

Today, Angries, your inner Ram-Pager emerges with all the subtlety of a sentient leaf blower at a meditation retreat. The day opens with a cosmic challenge: a jammed printer versus your rising blood pressure. Spoiler alert — only one of you will leave unscathed, and the printer doesn't have any arteries.

The planetary alignment (i.e., Mercury aggressively switching your wifi on and off) suggests you'll be locked in an epic duel with technology. You will prevail, technically, but at what cost? Ask yourself if the document was really that important or if your existential scream added value to the office ecosystem.

Midday finds you railing heroically at minor inconveniences, from the relentless march of time to those who walk slowly in front of you. Your victories will be numerous, yet low-stakes — the kind of triumphs that history books would ignore, but which your cortisol levels will document with enthusiasm.

Evening speaks of quiet exhaustion and the secret pride in having conquered so many invisible foes. An unseen cosmic audience applauds politely as you drift off, perhaps dreaming of a world where devices simply work and people stand somewhere else.