Aquarirus Horrorscope

Today, Aquarirus, your mind works overtime, spinning unorthodox theories about shoe sizes and whether pigeons are government agents. While nobody around you seems capable of comprehending your cosmic thought spirals, take comfort in knowing that somewhere out there, a sentient cloud admires your mental gymnastics.

Your sudden inspiration to communicate exclusively through interpretive dance will be met with confusion, concern, and an unexpected invitation to exit the supermarket. As always, your originality is matched only by your capacity to bewilder.

The universe sends you a cryptic message today—a half-forgotten email subject line or a glimpse of your own reflection in a public restroom mirror. Take this as a sign to ignore all traditional advice and double down on your least productive habits. The stars are aligned, but primarily to amuse themselves at your expense.

This evening, engage your aura in a staring contest with a household appliance. Spoiler: the toaster wins. Yet, this defeat only adds to your collection of charmingly pointless victories. Embrace the cosmic absurdity; it's all part of your personal haunting.