Cancern Horrorscope
Updated daily at midnight
June 21 - July 22
Emotionally sensitive, easily spooked by sudden noises or unexpected emails. Retreats into its shell (duvet).
Unfurl those pincers, dear Cancern—today's cosmic tides encourage you to tiptoe into the swirling soup of human interaction. Beware! A sudden Slack message may send you scrambling for your comforting shell quicker than you can say "out-of-office." Don’t worry, no one expects you to respond to that email drafted entirely in cryptic emojis—except perhaps Mercury, who finds your confusion delicious.
The universe has decided to place all its eggs in the basket of minor domestic disturbances: an inexplicably wet kitchen towel or the cold, accusing stare of your laundry pile. Use these omens to reflect on your priorities: do you really need clean socks if you never leave bed?
Your sensitivity is a superpower wrapped in a velvet shroud of doom. Today, someone may attempt to breach your defenses with an offhanded compliment or (horrors!) an invitation. Stand firm—your shell is both fortress and fashion statement. Remember, it’s perfectly valid to attend social events in astral projection only.
As dusk falls and existential dread seeps through the curtains, embrace your cryptid energy. There are strange things out there, but none as magnificently unnerved as you.