Grimini Horrorscope

Balance, dear Grimini, has always been your birthright curse. Today, one of your faces will cheerfully accept spontaneous plans, while the other will spiral into existential dread about whether it locked the door, closed the apps, or insulted someone in a dream. Somewhere between the two, you’ll discover a new flavor of confusion—one that pairs nicely with iced coffee and mild paranoia.

Expect to overhear a conversation you won’t remember, yet will obsessively analyze for the rest of the week. Your charming duality will attract both allies and enemies, though you’ll be hard-pressed to tell which is which. Pro tip: not every person who laughs at your joke is your friend. Sometimes, the shadows do appreciate a good punchline.

This is an ideal day for incomplete gestures: send half-finished texts, prepare mismatched socks, and start but never finish important projects. Your unique approach to indecision could revolutionize nothing at all. Embrace it.

If you feel like you’re being watched—don't worry, both of your faces are, in fact, under constant cosmic surveillance. Smile nervously. It helps the greater darkness sleep better at night.