Grimini Horrorscope

Today, Grimini, your duality will reach impressive new heights. One persona will attempt bold declarations of confidence, while the other nervously drafts apology letters for things you haven't done (yet). The real fun begins when you attempt to act decisively and instead achieve Schrödinger’s productivity: everything both is and isn’t accomplished.

Your social sphere isn’t immune to cosmic mischief. Every text you send may be interpreted as sarcasm, honesty, or desperate Morse code for help. As much as you try to reconcile your two faces, rest assured: each is equally confused. Advice: when in doubt, let someone else order lunch. Either way, regret is guaranteed.

Beware odd encounters in mirrors, windows, or—worst of all—Zoom calls. Your reflection could express thoughts you haven’t had yet, or smirk knowingly at your existential dread. Today is a good day to practice saying, “That was intentional,” with only a hint of hysteria.

Tonight, as you lie awake, one side worrying about global crises on the news, the other about whether you’ve bought enough toilet paper, remember: at least you’re never bored with yourself. And isn’t that what truly matters—not peace, but perpetual internal entertainment?