Leono Horrorscope

The curtain rises on your existence today, Leono, and the spotlight graciously exposes every minor inconvenience for your audience of oblivious mortals. Even your coffee will look at you with existential despair before spilling itself, just to give you a reason for a dramatic soliloquy. The universe is handing you a script with lacrimose dialogue and absolutely no commercial breaks.

Beware of misconstruing silence from others as cosmic indifference—it’s more likely they’re simply trying to outlast your latest saga over a misplaced pen. If you find yourself contemplating the meaninglessness of traffic jams or delayed emails, remind yourself: the void is the most patient theatre critic of all.

Your attempts at grandeur may be interrupted by the quiet realization that no one reads the footnotes in your autobiography—least of all you. Don’t fret. Somewhere, a distant galaxy is probably applauding your willingness to be seen sobbing heroically in the restroom.

A minor act of sincerity may echo across the astral stage today, so try not to trip on the cosmic carpeting while basking in imaginary applause. The stars suggest you clutch your existential dread like a favorite accessory—dramatically, of course.