Librawr Horrorscope

Librawr, today the universe dangles its cosmic scales before you, then snatches them away just as you extend your trembling hand. Each decision you attempt will blossom into a hydra of new, equally unsatisfying choices: oat milk or almond, the left sock or the right? Take solace in the fact that, cosmically speaking, the dinner menu is as meaningless as the void, and so is your urgent craving for Thai food.

Your quest for equilibrium will resemble a Roomba in a labyrinth, desperately turning corners, bumping into existential furniture. Even balancing your checkbook might arouse the faint panic usually reserved for spotting a spider the size of a grapefruit. Today, let the gentle hum of uncertainty lull you into the arms of mild anxiety—it’s the only embrace you can count on.

This evening, something or someone will ask you to “just pick one.” Instead, stall for time by pretending to receive urgent astral texts, or dramatically ponder the relative gravitas of digital buffering versus human connection. The cosmos applauds your avoidance techniques, at least until the next indecisive reincarnation.