Librawr Horrorscope
Updated daily at midnight
September 23 - October 22
Tormented by the inability to choose, whether it's dinner plans or which streaming service has the least buffering. Seeks balance but finds only mild panic.
Today, Librawr, the scales of cosmic judgment wobble perilously, creaking under the weight of your latest existential dilemma: two equally unremarkable sandwich options. The universe watches, bemused, as your internal pros-and-cons committee convenes for yet another emergency session. Spoiler: There is no right choice, only fewer crumbs of regret.
Tiny decisions coalesce into a quagmire of hesitation. By noon, you’ll be demanded to decide between responding to emails or quietly hyperventilating into your coffee mug. The stars suggest the latter is at least hydrating, if not productive.
Social interactions bring paradoxical fortune. If you’re invited out, rest assured that your presence will be the tipping point in making group plans absolutely impossible. Your dithering will be legend, and somewhere in the shadowy fabric of reality, Chaos giggles.
Treat yourself with patience. The universe is, after all, infinite—so you have plenty of time to pick a show (none of which you’ll finish watching). Balance is overrated; embrace your destiny as the seesaw ever in motion, never quite landing.