Sagitterror Horrorscope
Updated daily at midnight
November 22 - December 21
Accident-prone wanderer, likely to trip over spectral dust bunnies. Optimistically walks into easily avoidable minor disasters.
Today, Sagitterror, the universe has meticulously scattered banana peels along your spiritual path. Each step forward is a masterclass in optimism—never mind that you’re about to trip over that misplaced existential question lurking near your inbox. Your guardian ghost is definitely taking notes for a slapstick afterlife talent show.
In matters of fortune, expect events to unravel with all the subtlety of a flock of geese in a moonlit glassware shop. Someone will present you with an opportunity. It will be wrapped in hazard tape. Accept it anyway; what’s the worst that could happen, besides the usual?
Your interactions may leave you feeling like you’re attempting to high-five the ghost of a bridge you just burned. Don’t overthink it—all bridges are flammable, some just hide it better. Cherish your mishaps; each scraped elbow is another badge in the existential scouts.
Stumble bravely onward, Sagitterror. Every minor disaster is an oddly-shaped stepping stone toward a punchline only you will understand (eventually).