Sagitterror Horrorscope

Today, Sagitterror, the universe has thoughtfully scattered existential banana peels along your path. As you enthusiastically forge ahead, expect the invisible forces of entropy to rearrange your shoelaces and your self-confidence in equal measure. Remember: optimism is great, but so are elbow pads.

The cosmos is delighted to watch as your ambitious plans ricochet off reality’s corners. That thrilling idea you have? Perfect time to share it—ideally nowhere near any fragile objects or expectation-driven humans. Fate suggests a helmet, both literal and emotional.

A distant planet waves and sends mixed signals, which you’ll probably misinterpret as a green light at a cosmic intersection. Go ahead and wander; every detour you take will lead you right back to yourself, slightly bruised but somehow wiser, and more suspicious of welcome mats.

If you find yourself in a slump, remember: gravity is just the universe’s way of keeping things interesting. Stand up, dust off, and march forward with the dignity of someone who can laugh at the concept of dignity. The stars commend your resilience (and your collection of mystery bruises).