Terrortaurus Horrorscope

Terrortaurus, today’s ghosts are scheduled to consult you about whether it’s worth haunting the new operating system, which, much like your phone, has been begging for an update you willfully ignore. As you defiantly dismiss reminders to change anything ever, beware: an innocent technological hiccup may surge into your realm, causing a ripple of dread (or, heaven forbid, a forced restart).

Minor inconveniences—the supernatural crumbs in your cosmic toaster—cling with unnatural persistence. You’ll find yourself unable to move past that time your neighbor used your bin. The universe applauds your capacity for holding onto grudges, even as everyone else has already let theirs be buried, dusted, and quietly exorcised.

Meanwhile, in the catacombs of your workplace or home, prepare for a poltergeist masquerading as a well-intentioned coworker who wants to rearrange something dear to you. Stay true to your stubborn roots, but remember: the haunted seldom get to choose their décor.

Tonight, as you retire, ruminate once more on ancient slights—like the lightbulb that died months ago—and take comfort in your resistance. For you, change is a spectral suggestion, not a mandate.