Virgloom Horrorscope

Awaken, Virgloom, languishing perfectionist of the void! Today, the cosmic copier will jam precisely when you attempt to print something crucial. Somewhere, a forgotten typo from 2012 sighs and adds itself to your ethereal to-do list. You’ll stumble through your day with the unsettling sensation that your socks are ever-so-slightly mismatched—no matter how often you check.

Colleagues and spectral acquaintances will shower you with half-complete projects and vague instructions. Resist the urge to alphabetize their destinies—remember, the universe thrives on disorder and sticky note adhesive. Perfection may not exist, but existential dread certainly does. Lean in.

Tonight, a faint breeze will whisper, "You left the stove on." Of course you didn’t, but the echoes of your anxiety will provide lovely company while you compulsively re-check each appliance. Every creak in your home is a ghost, but none are as persistent as your own relentless standards.